by François Noah
Being in my own skin always felt like an awkward experience.
Yet being alive and in a body that has access to an infinite consciousness never ceases to amaze me. I know there are billions of humans going through a similar journey but experiencing Life from within our body is magical and unique.
Born and raised in France, I was an energetic kid. The only child of divorced parents. I found myself drawn towards nature and animals. I loved performing in front of audiences as much as I enjoyed contemplation and playing alone.
As a child, I was never bored.
I read a lot and watched tons of shows and movies. And because I was mostly raised by a TV, I always saw my own life the way a show runner thinks of his production:
Plot, storylines, casting & location.
I loved being silly and the adult world seemed so serious. Everyone trying to fit in. So much judgment and rules with little time left to dream, create and play. That never made much sense to me and I refused to accept this reality. I loved being a child. For me, growing up was optional.
I quickly got the memo that Human Love was very conditional. The society I was born into had all sorts of expectations for me that I couldn't quite comprehend.
Reality was not what other people thought it was. Truth was somewhere else. Somewhere within me. I knew that instinctively.
When I turned 10, my mother and I moved to Bordeaux. It was a brutal change. My grandparents and family were so far. Also, my mother and I didn't get along. She thought I was Abnormal and let me know. She was a young single mother with her own set of unexamined issues. I became more and more insecure. By the time I entered middle school, bullies had me at school and my mother had me at home. Thank God I had a dog!
To make matters worse, I was also confused by my unrequited love for Brigitte. She was the smartest girl in my class. She relentlessly rejected me.
This hell lasted 3 years straight. But straight, I was not. The kids knew this by instinct before I even realized it.
My hell finally ended overnight when I got the lead in a production for a local short movie. I became, if not popular, then no longer unpopular. This paired with the fact that my main bully left school at the same time sparked a miracle.
I started having faith in myself and in my beliefs. I was determined to become an artist and travel the world. I knew I would never have a normal life. But Being abnormal seemed to be turning into something good after all.
After High school, I moved to Paris to pursue an acting career.I knew I had to follow my heart No matter what.
After a few months in Paris, I was scouted by a casting director to become a model for a Benetton ad campaign. All the sudden, I became desired. Not for acting yet but for my looks which is something I never gave much thought about before. That first gig got me a model agency in London where I decided to move. I loved every minute of it! That was my first conscious re-invention. A new country, a new language, a new life. I could write a brand new chapter and past beliefs wouldn't haunt me.
Or so I thought.
No matter how much I worked as a model, then as a professional actor, I always felt unwanted. I believed I really belonged in a limbo with other freaks of nature.
picture by Olivero Toscani
During these modeling years, I gradually integrated and accepted my sexuality. I surrounded myself with a wide variety of people who were accepting of me. But in the back of my mind, the "abnormal" belief came back strong. Even though I booked jobs, I felt I was the most illegitimate model on the block. I was photogenic sure, but constant rejection of my looks and competition made me even more insecure. And a mild case of Body Dysmorphia followed.
It took years before I discovered The Magic of Believing. This book encouraged me to truly believe in myself. Without fear.
picture by Jean-Baptiste Mondino
Whatever we hold inside of us manifests itself and if it’s negative, it can sabotage our talents and damage our relationships.
candid in Tokyo-smoking kills and I quit
It is essential to take the time to review our past experiences with perspective, acceptance and forgiveness. We then can free ourselves from mental conditioning and co-create a new life through the freedom of our imagination.
When we start discovering ourselves and our true nature, we can follow our own true path.
A few years back, I did just that. I chose to re-examine all my beliefs about life and myself.
I realized beliefs of inadequacy stem from a place of fear. Fear is unexamined Faith. Faith is Love.
The fact that I am alive and have access to a greater consciousness is so unique and miraculous. I believe that Life loves me, unconditionally. This is my core belief and I'll stick to it.
Humans, like everything in Nature, are extremely resilient. Life thrives to grow. Life wants to Live. It's in Nature and inside of us. No matter how broken you think you may be at times, you can heal and move forward with Hope and renewed Love in your heart. We are much more than a story. We are Life itself. And Life is nothing but pure Magic.
Self mastery starts when we believe in ourselves. Through the power of the Mind.
special thanks to Zaxary Erickson